my search to understand the bigger picture

Friday, May 11, 2012

Rare Mood

i find myself in a rare mood this morning.  i must admit, it's a mood that i love, but fail to experience much of the time.  usually i so easily get wrapped up in all the little "unimportant" things that need to get done each and every day, that i miss golden opportunities to soak in this mindset.

i had just dropped off my oldest daughter at school, and had the youngest one in the backseat.  we were going to head home, but i had this desire to take her out for breakfast.  i gave in.  she wanted mcdonalds.  we had a blast.

for me, this tends to be a problem.  i'm not very good at living in and enjoying the moment.  right here, right now.  usually i'm either living in the past or dreading the future.  i totally miss the goodness of the here and now.

both girls got up early this morning.  i missed my alarm that was to wake me up so i could get a run in.  when i did finally crawl out of bed i had a wicked headache.  i was grouchy.  not a good start.  but as i began to live in the moment, something shifted.

normally, when i think about the future, it's with a sense of pessimism.  that's unfortunate, and it's a battle i've been waging war against.  never been much of a dreamer.  vision casting has proved very difficult for me.  i usually get tripped up by excuses as to why dreams won't or can't happen.  it's draining.  exhausting.  i can't imagine it pleases God.  not that it makes him angry; just that it must make him sad.  can't be what he wanted life to be life for me.

so i've been kicking pessimism in the teeth lately.  today, i had a momentary breakthrough.  i began to dream of what could be with much excitement.  began to dream of what i'd like to see happen, and experienced inspiration to write down some of the necessary steps to achieve that.

seriously, i think i've wasted so much of my life dwelling on what i can't do, what i won't be able to do.  i'm tired of that.  i'm kicking that mindset in the teeth today.  i want to focus on what i can do.  we only have one chance to live this life, and today i choose to be as positive as i can be.  i choose to waste as little time as possible being negative, pessimistic, and depressed.  how can those things honor God?  they can't.  there's no honor in that.  they don't put a smile on God's face.

but, when i realize my ultimate identity, what Christ did for me, how can i be anything but excited?  how can i remain down in the dumps?  how can i feel defeated?  it doesn't matter what lies ahead, good or bad, easy or a struggle, my identity is already determined.  thank you Jesus, for BEING my Savior!

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