my search to understand the bigger picture

Sunday, March 27, 2011


Today I find myself wishing for some peace and quiet. Time alone. Solitude. Nothing bad has happened. Life's going pretty good. It's been a good week. But sometimes I just need to be alone. It's hard to explain this to people who don't experience the same tug. Their feelings get hurt. They don't understand. I love people; but sometimes I MUST be alone. Today is one of those days. Unfortuntely, life doesn't always allow one to drop everything, and just take off. There's too much that needs attention. Houses to clean. Kids to watch, take care of, and play with. A spouse love, appreciate, and care for. All great things. And as I was journaling these thoughts this morning, a sobering thought occured to me. A question really. Why is it when I need something, my first reaction and response is rarely to turn to Jesus? Have I asked Him if I could have some time today? Did I ask how to go about finding this time? Take this one step further. Did I ask Jesus to come into my life and fill whatever void is there this morning? Granted, sometimes it's very Christlike to get away. But many times when He tried to do so, His time was interrupted by crowds of people. I've often wondered how He handled such situations with such care and concern. So, today I'm struck with the desire to get away. And yet, my mind begins to ask Jesus to fill that void when a break just doesn't appear to be in my future........Come Holy Spirit, give me the rest my mind and emotions so desperately need.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Ask and You Shall Receive

So, as I was writing my previous post the other day about my frustrations with a lack of running, and even greater frustration that when I miss running I get more upset than when I miss "specified time with God", a small window of time was opened up for me to run. So, I hit up a local trail before heading into work, and it was some of the most amazing 5 miles I've ever spent. I'll get to that in a minute.

Many of you have expressed your thoughts concerning my last post, mainly telling me to cut myself some slack. So, I want to clarify that I do know that sometimes running does give me time with God. Most of the time, running is something for me that is a time where I can empty my mind of any thoughts. One of the few moments during the day when I try not to think of anything, other than being in the moment. It's the kind of activity where I invite God to come along and watch, much like my daughters might as me to watch them sing or dance. To me, that's different than concentrated, focused time with God. Not bad, just different. And the point was that I hardly ever get upset if I miss some concentrated, focused time with God. If I do get upset, it's never like when I miss a run. And I still do not feel that is right, at least for me.

I want every piece of me to YEARN for more God, for more interaction with Him. I know He is ready and willing, it's a matter of me paying attention. So, during my trail run, I tried to pay attention to Him, while allowing my mind the freedom to not think of anything in particular. Within the first few moments I came across a bridge, and that just made me stop in my tracks, take a picture, and thank God for the moment. I knew it was there, but for some reason I just felt God stopping me in that moment, to drink in the sweetness of my surroundings.

I loved coming across this bridge. I continued running, all the while paying attention, and eventually came upon a few deer. I couldn't ever quite get close enough for a picture, so I just stood for a moment and again thanked God for the experience. Eventually I moved on, and came upon half a dozen deer. The next few minutes played out like a game of visual tag between me and the deer, as they would bound off, only to reveal themselves again moments later. It was an amazing cat and mouse display, one that I thoroughly enjoyed!

Eventually I sensed God tell me it was time to put away the camera, and enjoy what I came to do; run. So I did just that, enjoying the gift that God gave me. If you haven't already guessed it, the pictures above are just a snipet of my time. I love capturing moments like this, but then, sometimes it's just nice to enjoy being in the moment.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

How Do I Let Go of Frustration?


Such a nagging word.

Once it gets ahold of you it's so difficult to rid yourself of it's effects.

But that's how I'm feeling right now with my running. Working 2 jobs has got me so tired that it's incredibly difficult to wake up a few hours early to hit the road. Usually by the time I get home I just want to hang with my wife and daughters. Once they are all in bed I'm so exhausted that all I want to do is climb in bed. That's if I've made it home by 8. Half the week I'm usually working until midnight or so.

So I'm frustrated that I don't have the energy, or the time to run as much as I'd like these days. Here's the real issues. There's not much I can do about it. The more I allow frustration into my life, the deeper it's tentacles dig into my mind and emotions. And before you know it, it is driving my life, my attitudes, my emotions, and even my actions.

As I sat back this morning, I realized this is a part of my life that I haven't given over to God in a while. And that's why I struggle. I would love more time and energy to run, yes. But more than that, I'd love to no longer be a slave to a hobby that I love. So this morning, I ask you Holy Spirit to come into my life, and fill this void that I've tried to fill with running. Remove all my frustrations, and help me to find satisfaction, fullness, peace, joy, and contentment only in You! I am tired of something so trivial impacting my emotions like this. Help me stay attentive to You Father, and to only find joy in You! Thank you for giving us all things that we enjoy doing; things that breathe life into our innermost regions. BUT, forgive us for those times that they take over, and we gave a greater place of prominence in our lives to them than to You. I don't get nearly as frustrated when I don't take time to be with You, and that's wrong. Forgive me Father. Thank You for loving me as I am! I love You Jesus!

Will you pray for me today? I don't want to be bogged down by this. I want to experience all that God has to offer me today, regardless of what's on my agenda. What are you struggling with today? And, have you given it over to God?