Solitude

Today I find myself wishing for some peace and quiet. Time alone. Solitude. Nothing bad has happened. Life's going pretty good. It's been a good week. But sometimes I just need to be alone. It's hard to explain this to people who don't experience the same tug. Their feelings get hurt. They don't understand. I love people; but sometimes I MUST be alone. Today is one of those days. Unfortuntely, life doesn't always allow one to drop everything, and just take off. There's too much that needs attention. Houses to clean. Kids to watch, take care of, and play with. A spouse love, appreciate, and care for. All great things. And as I was journaling these thoughts this morning, a sobering thought occured to me. A question really. Why is it when I need something, my first reaction and response is rarely to turn to Jesus? Have I asked Him if I could have some time today? Did I ask how to go about finding this time? Take this one step further. Did I ask Jesus to come into my life and fill whatever void is there this morning? Granted, sometimes it's very Christlike to get away. But many times when He tried to do so, His time was interrupted by crowds of people. I've often wondered how He handled such situations with such care and concern. So, today I'm struck with the desire to get away. And yet, my mind begins to ask Jesus to fill that void when a break just doesn't appear to be in my future........Come Holy Spirit, give me the rest my mind and emotions so desperately need.

Ask and You Shall Receive

So, as I was writing my previous post the other day about my frustrations with a lack of running, and even greater frustration that when I miss running I get more upset than when I miss "specified time with God", a small window of time was opened up for me to run. So, I hit up a local trail before heading into work, and it was some of the most amazing 5 miles I've ever spent. I'll get to that in a minute.

Many of you have expressed your thoughts concerning my last post, mainly telling me to cut myself some slack. So, I want to clarify that I do know that sometimes running does give me time with God. Most of the time, running is something for me that is a time where I can empty my mind of any thoughts. One of the few moments during the day when I try not to think of anything, other than being in the moment. It's the kind of activity where I invite God to come along and watch, much like my daughters might as me to watch them sing or dance. To me, that's different than concentrated, focused time with God. Not bad, just different. And the point was that I hardly ever get upset if I miss some concentrated, focused time with God. If I do get upset, it's never like when I miss a run. And I still do not feel that is right, at least for me.

I want every piece of me to YEARN for more God, for more interaction with Him. I know He is ready and willing, it's a matter of me paying attention. So, during my trail run, I tried to pay attention to Him, while allowing my mind the freedom to not think of anything in particular. Within the first few moments I came across a bridge, and that just made me stop in my tracks, take a picture, and thank God for the moment. I knew it was there, but for some reason I just felt God stopping me in that moment, to drink in the sweetness of my surroundings.

I loved coming across this bridge. I continued running, all the while paying attention, and eventually came upon a few deer. I couldn't ever quite get close enough for a picture, so I just stood for a moment and again thanked God for the experience. Eventually I moved on, and came upon half a dozen deer. The next few minutes played out like a game of visual tag between me and the deer, as they would bound off, only to reveal themselves again moments later. It was an amazing cat and mouse display, one that I thoroughly enjoyed!

Eventually I sensed God tell me it was time to put away the camera, and enjoy what I came to do; run. So I did just that, enjoying the gift that God gave me. If you haven't already guessed it, the pictures above are just a snipet of my time. I love capturing moments like this, but then, sometimes it's just nice to enjoy being in the moment.

How Do I Let Go of Frustration?

Frustration.

Such a nagging word.

Once it gets ahold of you it's so difficult to rid yourself of it's effects.

But that's how I'm feeling right now with my running. Working 2 jobs has got me so tired that it's incredibly difficult to wake up a few hours early to hit the road. Usually by the time I get home I just want to hang with my wife and daughters. Once they are all in bed I'm so exhausted that all I want to do is climb in bed. That's if I've made it home by 8. Half the week I'm usually working until midnight or so.

So I'm frustrated that I don't have the energy, or the time to run as much as I'd like these days. Here's the real issues. There's not much I can do about it. The more I allow frustration into my life, the deeper it's tentacles dig into my mind and emotions. And before you know it, it is driving my life, my attitudes, my emotions, and even my actions.

As I sat back this morning, I realized this is a part of my life that I haven't given over to God in a while. And that's why I struggle. I would love more time and energy to run, yes. But more than that, I'd love to no longer be a slave to a hobby that I love. So this morning, I ask you Holy Spirit to come into my life, and fill this void that I've tried to fill with running. Remove all my frustrations, and help me to find satisfaction, fullness, peace, joy, and contentment only in You! I am tired of something so trivial impacting my emotions like this. Help me stay attentive to You Father, and to only find joy in You! Thank you for giving us all things that we enjoy doing; things that breathe life into our innermost regions. BUT, forgive us for those times that they take over, and we gave a greater place of prominence in our lives to them than to You. I don't get nearly as frustrated when I don't take time to be with You, and that's wrong. Forgive me Father. Thank You for loving me as I am! I love You Jesus!

Will you pray for me today? I don't want to be bogged down by this. I want to experience all that God has to offer me today, regardless of what's on my agenda. What are you struggling with today? And, have you given it over to God?

Where To Start.....

I don't even know where to begin this morning.......

I had an awesome conversation last week with an old friend. Most of our time was spent discussing growth we'd like to see in our lives, theories, and the like. What typically annoys me most about myself is how much I say the right things, even maybe think the right things; yet my actions rarely follow suit. I can wax intellectual all day long, until I'm blue in the face, but at the end of the day, what truly matters are my actions.

And
they
rarely
line
up
with
my
thoughts,
words,
thoughtless ramblings of my mouth.

I talk a good game. I do. I know what's wrong with me. I know where I struggle. I know what to say to take a weak area of my life and make it look like I'm working on it. Here's the problem with all this; notice how many times I've used "I".

My life is characterized by my obsession with me! When I'm not selfishly considering myself, I've discuised my thoughts by thinking about how I can grow, where I need to grow, etc. Rarely do my thoughts drift over to God. I'd say maybe 90% of my attention is focused on me, 10% on God. (10% on God might be generous) I'm so focused on myself that there is hardly any room for God, probably just enough for me to pay lipservice to Him.

My life is not a radical, I follow Christ kind of life. I desperately want it to be. You know how that all starts? By beginning to desire God's heart like I did when I began to date my wife years ago. Facebook should be given up in order to spend that time with God. Sleep should be sacrificed to spend that time with God! Meals should be shared with Him, walks in the woods shared with Him, drives into work shared with Him.

And yet, here I am again saying the right things, giving insightful ideas into fixing this problem. What I lack is action.........

My conversation with my friend last week helped me to see that I don't want to talk about the right thing anymore, I want to do the right thing. So..........

They're Here!

Oh man, I've been anticipating the arrival of these bad boys for quite some time now. Lately I've been following the exploits of an ultrarunner named Antony Krupicka, and New Balance is one of his sponsors. I went out and got the New Balance MT101's for Christmas and have loved using them on the trails so far. Eventually I learned that these were going to be released so I've kept up with them ever since. A few days ago I noticed some local stores saying they had some in, even though they weren't scheduled to be released until March. So, Emily gave me the go ahead (gift for V-Day and anniversary) and we went and picked up a pair last night. These shoes are some amazingly comfortable right out of the box! I am going to wait a few weeks before running in them though. Need some time to wear them around and get a feel for them. There's just something fun and exciting about a brand new pair of running shoes. I haven't exactly put my finger on it, but most runners get excited about such things. I'm sure it's probably a little different for everyone. All I know, is that new shoes excite me.

"The Beauty of Jesus"

This morning, as I was waiting for my buddy Derek to pick me up for another trail run out at Kickapoo, I read the newsletter I received from Ransomed Heart. It gave me some great thoughts to think on while running the trails this morning. Here's one video of our time today, and I'll place another one after the newsletter.

"Dearest Friends,

I wanted to share with you something from my journals, and something I recently discovered in the Gospels. Last summer we had a chance to spend some time at the coast. Here is what I wrote: 'I am sitting on the beach this evening, watching the swells roll in towards me. Each wave builds as it approaches, ascending, taking shape, deep greens below sweeping upward into aquamarine. A sculpture in motion. The sheer elegance is enough to take my breath away.'

The wave I was watching crashed, but another kept rushing to take its place, sweeping upward, forward, utterly mesmerizing beauty. Then another, then another, and another, in an undending processional. I began to wonder: 'What are the waves telling us about Jesus?'

An artist is revealed in the work they create, and in the abundance of work they create. Think of the ocean. Picture it in your mind. What does this tell us about Jesus? What words come to mind? Majestic, powerful, wild, dangerous. yes, tempestuous, like the clearing of the Temple. But also gently playful as it laps at your feet, swirling round your toes, pulling the sand away from beneath you as Jesus ever so gently pulls the rug out from under us.

I looked down. Scattered at my feet lay a thousand shells, delicate, intricate, the work of a jeweler. An artist with very small tools and exceptional eyesight. If all this is the work of an artist's hand, what does it tells us about the artist? Most of all, I am thunderstruck by the abundant generosity strewn around, constantly rolling in. Its as if someone took the family silver and ran down the beach, tossing handfulls here and there like a madman. How do you describe this extravagance? What kind of person acts like this???

Then I looked again at the story of Jesus turning water into wine: 'On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, 'They have no more wine.' 'Dear woman, why do you involve me?' Jesus replied. 'My time has not yet come.' (John 2:1-4)

His response to Mary seems rude, but that cannot be--we know he adored her. My goodness, while hanging in agony from the cross he arranges for her care. There couldn't have been anything condescending in his reply, for she simply turns to the servants and says, like a Jewish mother, "Do whatever he tells you.' Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews fo ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, 'Fill the jars with water'; so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, 'Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.' They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside an said, 'Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.' This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him. (vs 5-11)

Six water jars holding up to thirty gallons each. One hundred and eighty gallons (John makes the point of saying that the jars were filled 'to the brim'). One hundred and eighty gallons equals about 682 liters. That would be 908 bottles of wine.

I know, I know--it is almost too much to believe. It seems too extravagant. But the scripture makes a point of telling us exactly how many urns there were, how much they held, and even pushes the point that they were filled to the brim. Apparently, the quantity Jesus produced is important to the story, and I'm certainly not going to begrudge Jesus the right to be generous.

John says, 'He thus revealed his glory.' What is it, exactly, that Jesus thus revealed? Certainly his power over creation. But there is something else here, something beautiful. Jesus did not provide cheap wine--as the maitre d' expected, given the lateness of the hour. Nor did he make a statement by substituting grape juice. He didn't just give them a little wine, say, a dozen bottles to wrap up the evening with one last toast. Jesus does it lavishly. To the tune of 908 bottles. Here is the same stunning generosity we see pouring forth in creation.

O, the beauty of Jesus.

Among the many things that get assaulted in our hearts towards God is his generosity. His goodness. But recently I've been struck simply by sunshine. Think about it--what daily radiance is showered upon us, what immense golden goodness. Every single day. What does sunshine tells us about the personality of Jesus? Or water? Or air?

Then I noticed how much he gave of himself, all through the Gospels. Late into the night, early in the morning, walking down the road, in the middle of his supper, at home, abroad, Jesus offers. His time, his words, his touch, flowing like the wine at Cana. To appreciate the reality of it all, remember this is not Superman. Remember his loneliness, his weariness, his humanity. This is utterly remarkable--particularly in light of the fact that this is a man on a life-or-death mission. He is lavish with himself.

O Jesus, forgive me for doubting this. Open the floodgates between us, and give me more of yourself. That is what I want. I want more of you. Don't you?"

John Eldredge offers words here far better that I could craft, so I leave it as it is. Great thoughts for me to think on this morning during my run, and really throughout the day. Jesus is so generous.

Here's a few more videos for your viewing pleasure.

THE Greatest Commercial Ever!

So I was watching this again tonight, and just laughing hysterically. I distinctly remember seeing it during the Super Bowl, and saying to myself that was the greatest commercial I've seen in the past 10 years. Might be my favorite of all time. It brings back some great memories of my younger years. My best friend growing up, Aaron and I would spend hours and hours not only watching the original trilogy, but also reenacting them scene by scene. Of course we had all the action figures as well. He even devised a pretty sick display in his apartments in college and after of scenes depicted from the movies. Quite impressive.
I also owned a volkswagon during my college years, and to this day that car (I believe 1987 Volkswagon Scirocco) is my favorite of all that I've owned, even above my Jeep Wrangler that I let go. There was just something about that car. Another one of my best friends, Kevin had one as well. I still to this day see one every once in awhile, and it brings back such great memories. In fact, I still have a key to that car on a keychain!
Why am I writing all this? I don't know. Just wanted this video on my blog and figured I'd add a few words. Who would have ever thought to combine Das Auto and Darth Vader? Pure genius my friends, pure genius. That's reason enough right there to go out and buy a VW, or at least watch one of the Star Wars movies. Speaking of which, I'm gonna put The Empire Strikes Back in right now.
May the force be with you.