my search to understand the bigger picture

Monday, February 28, 2011

Where To Start.....

I don't even know where to begin this morning.......

I had an awesome conversation last week with an old friend. Most of our time was spent discussing growth we'd like to see in our lives, theories, and the like. What typically annoys me most about myself is how much I say the right things, even maybe think the right things; yet my actions rarely follow suit. I can wax intellectual all day long, until I'm blue in the face, but at the end of the day, what truly matters are my actions.

thoughtless ramblings of my mouth.

I talk a good game. I do. I know what's wrong with me. I know where I struggle. I know what to say to take a weak area of my life and make it look like I'm working on it. Here's the problem with all this; notice how many times I've used "I".

My life is characterized by my obsession with me! When I'm not selfishly considering myself, I've discuised my thoughts by thinking about how I can grow, where I need to grow, etc. Rarely do my thoughts drift over to God. I'd say maybe 90% of my attention is focused on me, 10% on God. (10% on God might be generous) I'm so focused on myself that there is hardly any room for God, probably just enough for me to pay lipservice to Him.

My life is not a radical, I follow Christ kind of life. I desperately want it to be. You know how that all starts? By beginning to desire God's heart like I did when I began to date my wife years ago. Facebook should be given up in order to spend that time with God. Sleep should be sacrificed to spend that time with God! Meals should be shared with Him, walks in the woods shared with Him, drives into work shared with Him.

And yet, here I am again saying the right things, giving insightful ideas into fixing this problem. What I lack is action.........

My conversation with my friend last week helped me to see that I don't want to talk about the right thing anymore, I want to do the right thing. So..........

1 comment:

  1. You sound alot like the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:12-25! I've benn through the same thought process! Thank God for HIS Mercy & Grace! And HIS Loving heart! I know you won't lose heart, so just keep on working at's a life long project!