my search to understand the bigger picture

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Dark Side

A few nights ago, the dark side of me came out. It crept out of nowhere, and I hardly noticed. Almost as if it was surfacing from some secret place deep within me.

Let me explain.

Tuesday was an incredibly long day for me. The kind where you get up before the rest of your family, and you get home after the kids have gone to bed. A long day. Period. The final 2 1/2 hours were especially stressful because the temperature dropped after having fog most of the day, making the roads incredibly slippery. (at one point I was going 5mph and still sliding to a stop.) I got off of work half an hour later than I was supposed to, and a 15 minute drive home (normally) took about 45.

At one point, traffic stopped because of an accident. I could see a few squad cars, some wrecked vehicles (one on it's side), and a tow truck up ahead. The longer we sat the more aggitated I became. Soon, I was shouting at the top of my lungs, wanting the traffic to get by the accident so that I could get home. My knowledge as to the severity of the accident was extremely limited.

Suddenly I became grotesquely aware of the dark side exploding out of me. I had no concern about those involved in this accident. My ONLY concern was to get home, and I was irate that someone else's accident was keeping me from my goal. This wasn't just a minor frustration or irritation at postponing getting home a few minutes later. There was deep rooted evil lurking!

I can hear some of you now. "Come on Thad (rolling of the eyes), lighten up will you?" I'm telling you, this scared me. It scares me to think of how much evil there is hiding beneath the surface in my life. Much like with Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars movies, he was seduced, not in an over the top, turn to the dark side of the force or else kind of scene. He was seduced by tiny whispers, seeds planted in his mind over and over. Lies that he knew were not right, yet he never really renewed his mind to THE Truth.

We've got to guard our hearts as God instructs us friends. We must keep a careful watch for the subtleties of the enemy. I don't mean let it occupy your mind 100% of the time. But let's take inventory from time to time of ourselves, asking God to reveal any unclean thing in our minds and spirits. Let's ask the Holy Spirit to remove any impure motive or thought. Let's ask God to give us a growing distaste for the things that distract us from Him.

When my life should be marked by my love of God and others, this moment found me only consumed with myself. Let's start taking our faith seriously, and start acting like mature Christians. And maybe, just maybe, the next time I see an ambulance or accident, instead of being upset, I can take a few minutes to pray for the safety of those involved.

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