Change-Random Thoughts That Will Be A Complete Waste Of Your Time

I'm someone that likes change. Controlled change. Change that I create. Not significant change mind you, meaningless change. Like facial hair. For awhile I decided to grow out my goatee, and ended up with somewhere between a 3-4 inch long goatee. Wednesday night, just before it was about to get really cold for the weekend, I decided to trim it down to almost nothing. Weird.

Hair. I had been keeping it pretty close, but not completely clean shaven. I decided I wanted the clean shaven look at the same time I trimmed my goatee. Odd.

Weight gain. I spent the first three weeks of January 2012 not running because of a minor injury. I decided I got bored with just weighing over 200 pounds, so I decided to eat like a horse and put on a few, or 20 pounds. Yikes! Don't need that kind of change.

Running. I'm an ultra runner. I don't care to attempt anything shorter than a marathon anymore. And even marathons, I pretty much only run now to help someone else finish. They are a training run to me. While I still have some pretty awesome trail ultras I'm planning on doing this year, I'm thinking of switching gears ever so slightly. More details to come.

Bible. In the past, I've really enjoyed not being strapped down to one plan in order to read it every day. I liked just picking something out and reading. But, lately, I haven't been good at reading it. So, this year I choose a reading plan to get me through the Bible in 1 year. There are days when I mindlessly rip through the daily assignment. However, more and more I'm beginning to really enjoy reading my Bible again. It's getting to be a priority again.

This blog. I just switched a bunch of junk on here, and really just wanted to post something for no particular reason at all. Have a nice day.

Steve Jobs biography

Finished up Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson this afternoon. What an intriguing read! At 571 pages plus notes, index, etc this was a monster. I'm normally good with smaller books, especially those with a lot of pictures. But something inside of me wanted to give this a go, and I'm glad I did. It was a very interesting piece, with peculiar insights into the mind of someone who helped shape the past 30+ years and beyond. I remember being very moved by one quote in particular.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

I'm someone who constantly struggles with the wall of fear. 9 times out of 10 I allow it to cause me to step back rather than forward. I take very few risks in my life, and the few I do take are always extremely calculated. It's the fear of failure and all that. However, reading this gave me new perspective today. And I'd like to take it a step further.

Not only does that knowledge that one day I will die do this, but even more so, being fully confident in my identity as a child of God makes me confident enough to take some risks. Knowing the love my heavenly Father has for me means I no longer have to be afraid of letting people down, of failing, of screwing something up. That doesn't mean God will stop loving me. He loves me regardless. There's nothing I can do to earn his love or favor. He just gives it. Period.

So, truly, there is no reason not to follow your heart. Because one day we are all going to die? No. Because we have the love of the Father. Unconditionally. Whether we "succeed" or "fail". Now, THAT is life-altering!

Thoughts

We had a guest speaker this past weekend at church. We even created a conference around him being here. It was great. First night of the conference was Friday. I was overwhelmed within the first hour.

I have a love/hate relationship with conferences. I get information overload extremely easily, possibly faster than anyone I know. It takes a long time for something to get from my mind to my heart, especially when I've heard something that I really want to chew on. Conferences are usually so packed with information, that I rarely have enough time to sort through it all and work to apply what was worth the time. TONS of great stuff this past weekend, just not enough time for me to digest it all.

However, one thing did stick with me. The speaker mentioned Proverbs 3 at some point. I made a note, and somehow came back to it, and checked it out in The Message Bible. Here's a few verses, "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all." That's what stuck with me from this past weekend.

I claim to be a Christian. And yet, too often my thoughts are far from God. That's not ok. That's like saying I'm a runner, and yet going out for a run once a month, or once a year. Just doesn't make sense. All too often, I'm doing things in my own strength (which isn't much), trying to figure out things for myself (I'm not that smart). Rarely do I slow down enough to listen for God's voice, let alone in everything that I do, and everywhere I go. I allow too much into my life to distract me.

A sign hangs above my front door in our living room. It says SIMPLIFY. I think it might be time for some of that again. I'm not going to tell you how I'm going about it, or what I've already done. That's just for me. But yes, I'm trying to remove some distractions, clutter if you will, from my life. I don't want anything to get in God's way in my life. I want my claims (I'm a Christian) to be backed up by actions again. I want to be love in people's lives, not just say the words.

Welcome to 2012

Hmmmmmmmm, I've toiled over this and thought long and hard. It'd be so easy to come up with the same thing that everyone writes about this time of year. Goals I've set. Specific things I want to do. Dreams to see fulfilled. I do have some goals thought out, but they are for me. So, for now, I'll keep that safely tucked away in my journal.

What I want is to continually grow towards a more healthy, balanced human. I want to love and serve Jesus better. I want to love, serve, and lead my family better. I want to love myself better.

So, two thoughts will guide my decision making this year.

1) I will be rich in life experiences, not material possessions.

-For far too long I've subscribed to the lie that "stuff" will make me happy. iPhones. iPads. Running garb. Clothes. A nice car. You name it. But that stuff doesn't do squat except make me want even more. The search for "stuff" only creates greed. A greed that will NEVER be satisfied. A greed that eats me alive. Well no longer. I declare WAR on the desire for "stuff" in my life.

2) Is the prize not worth the price?

-This has served me well the past 6 months or so in regards to my running. I think it will serve me well in other areas. If the prize is not worth the price, then whatever I'm doing isn't worth my time anymore, and needs to be let go.

All this is said with the intention of allowing God to guide my every step. I want to look back on 2012 and know that I gave God a greater priority in my life than ever before. I want to feel like I'm closer to him than I ever have been. And I want people to feel like I'm the real deal, that while I don't have it all figured out, it's obvious that I walk with Jesus, and in the power of the Holy Spirit.

So there you have it. I could say that my goal is to run 2,012 miles in 2012. I could tell you that I want to have a run streak of at least 100 consecutive days of at least 1 mile. Lose 35 pounds. I could say I want to read through the entire Bible in one year, take more time away from the tv to spend with God, take some family trips, go away with my wife. These are great. But for too many of us, we become so focused on the goal, that we lose sight of the "why" behind the goal.

I don't want my life to become a numb, emotionless checklist for me to cross stuff off of. I want to experience the "full life" that Jesus offers. So, I'm going to live the time I have 1 day at a time. Keeping some of these things in mind.

I am a LIAR!

"Christ became what we are, so that we might become what he is."

Let that just soak in for a minute. I mean, it sounds great, right? This is one of those sentences that kind of makes everyone feel just a little bit better. And it is completely true......................but.....................

I'm nowhere near what Christ is.

NO WAY! I know this comes as a shocker to almost all of you. Upon further evaluation of this sentence, I've realized that it's quite painful. It's sobering. I posted this quote on twitter and Facebook earlier today, I suppose because I thought it was cute. I thought people would think great things about me, such as "Thad is really deep. He's really thinking about God stuff." or "He's really beginning to get it." possibly even "Thad is such a blessing. He always shares amazing thoughts and life-giving statements."

But, I've come to the conclusion, that I am a LIAR. I mean, I put that quote out there, as if to say, "Look, I've got some stuff figured out, and I want to share it with you all today." Isn't that what we are saying when we threw random quotes out there like that. I mean, it is great when something so moves you that you can't help but share it with the masses. But really, how many of us have actually gone on and allowed the truth of that quote to truly transform our lives.

This is problem I see in myself all too often. I settle for knowledge. Literally, I stop once I've learned something. But the whole point of learning, is the application of what you've learned. Otherwise, you haven't really learned it. It's one thing to be aware of an idea, thought, etc. It's a completely different thing to have been transformed by that idea, thought, etc.

Tonight I was reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and came across another quote. "What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do." I've come across similar quotes before. But this struck a chord with me tonight, almost in a refreshing sort of way. I say a lot of things as if I believe them, but my actions show a completely different story. I spent some time reflecting on this, asking God to reveal to me whatever he deemed important. And while I didn't come to any earth shattering conclusions, I did get the feeling of being loved regardless. Not that God was saying, "It's ok". But more like, "I know, and I love you anyways Thad". Acceptance. What a gift.

I'm a liar, but God still loves me. Is there anything more powerful, than to have someone (God) know the innermost struggles of my soul, and still take the time/patience to reassure me of their love? Better yet, to actually still love me?

I am a liar, and God loves me. And I'm learning to love him a little better each and every day. Hopefully my actions reveal that more and more every day.

Altra Instinct Shoe Review

I've been anxiously waiting to write this post for some time now. I wanted to wear these enough to give an honest perspective, but it has been difficult because I have them in rotation with 4 other pairs of shoes at the moment. This is going to be more of a layperson's review, as I'm not necessarily well-veresed in the hyper-techinical jargon of footwear.

This year has been one of transition for me, not necessarily on purpose though. The New Balance Trail Minimus came out in March of 2011, and I jumped on the bandwagon, having become a huge fan of Anton Krupicka. I had done some running in the past in some Nike Free's, and over the winter picked up a pair of New Balance MT 101's. That's what I used on the trails this entire year (over 500 miles worth). Eventually, as the year wore on, I wore the Trail Minimus more and more for everyday use. A few months ago I began to run in them, and now have about 170 miles on those. I also purchased my first pair of VFF's this summer, and wear those 3-4 days a week to work. So, my current rotation of running shoes consists of the Nike Free's, Nike Lunar trainer, New Balance Trail Minimus, and the Altra Instincts. I suppose the reason I gave the Altra's a try is because I loved the significantly smaller drop of the NB MT101's and NB Trail Minimus. I did a ton of research online of the Altra's and spoke to a few friends who had given them a try, and decided to pull the trigger myself.

The first thing I noticed after trying them on, was the roomy toe box. This seems to catch a lot of people's attention, and rightfully so! They almost felt like there was too much room at first, but once I got out and began running in them, this became one of my favorite features! The zero drop was another surprise, as my mid foot strike feels completely natural when I run in them. Thankfully, I spent many months working on my foot strike and running in more minimalist footwear, so that there wasn't much of a transition period at all for me. Within a week or so I had logged my first 10+ mile run in them. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to keep up my rotation of footwear, because I keep wanting to pull these out for every run.

The Altra's have definitely been worth the investment. While not flashy in appearance, they more than make up for it in performance. Actually, as a financially restricted runner, I appreciate the fact that a bunch of cost in flashy, unnecessary additions hasn't been passed on to me. I'm paying for what I'm getting. And, that may just be the most attractive thing about this product. They are worth every penny. Functional. Comfortable. Great reputation.

The only thing left, is to see how durable they end up being. I've read numerous reports of runners putting well over 1,000 miles on them, in some cases with more of those miles being trail miles than road. So, with only 128 miles so far, it seems like these could last me quite awhile yet!

You can find out more information on their products at www.altrazerodrop.com and follow them on twitter altrazerodrop.

Contentment

Contentment is such a battle these days. Advertising/marketing has gotten so effective at tricking people into thinking they will only be happy if they get the next big thing. I struggle with this every single day. It frustrates me to think how much time I've wasted dreaming about "the next big thing" in my own life. Rarely am I content. Rarely am I satisfied. This drives me nuts.

It's amazing how quickly I allow myself to go into a funk because of this; it ruins the rest of the day. Then I get frustrated because it's so difficult to gain ground on this. What a cycle.

Well all have our own personal struggles, so some of you may not be able to relate to this. Somewhere along the line, I bought into the lie that I'd be happy with anything other than Jesus. The truth is, I've got EVERYTHING I need already, and then some! My problem comes when I begin to compare my life to those that have more. The reality is that less than 1% of the world's population probably has more than me, so I'm comparing my life to a HUGE minority. Regardless, comparing my life to that of others isn't much help anyways. Contentment is not found in stuff! It's amazing/disturbing how embedded this thought is in my mind. Daily, I need to pray against it and fight off the attacks.

JESUS is all I need. He's given me so much already. Yet, too many times, my head is so far up you know where that I don't realize what I've got. I'm not really sure where to go with this post at this point. Maybe it's just more of a release today; I needed to get this off my chest. I've been given so much in this life, and I'm ashamed at how ungrateful I've been for the majority of it. Forgive me Jesus. And, I ask forgiveness from the 99% of the world that has less than I do.

As a side note, check this out. Think my percentages are a stretch? www.globalrichlist.com

Check it out.