it's come back. it happens every so often, but most of the time lingers for a few hours at most. i'm able to work my way through it relatively quickly and then move on. but saturday night, it hit like a ton of bricks, and i haven't really recovered yet.
yeah, i can put on a happy face. i'm a pastor. i can't exactly show up to church sunday all woe is me. don't get me wrong. i'm a HUGE proponent of pastors being real, allowing their people to see their struggles. we are not superhuman. we are just like the rest of the world. we have our struggles. we have our issues.
so, maybe that's what i'm doing this morning. letting the 2 or 3 that read this know, that pastors struggle too. much of my depression seems to come as spiritual warfare type stuff. but i can tell you that right now, there are lots of people in my world that are hurting for a variety of reasons. i'm a highly empathetic individual, and feel the weight of all their hurting and pain. add that to my own, and my guard has been let down, thus allowing a chink in my armor.
now, lots of people who don't deal with depression like to say, "just get over it" or "work it off". i like it when people suggest "go something that makes you happy". in that position, nothing seems to make one happy. that's the struggle. depression is so debilitating in that it keeps you from even wanting to leave your bed, or the couch. you come down with a "that's not worth it" mentality towards the fun things you once enjoyed.
honestly, one of the few things that helps me begin to take some of that ground back, is to listen to worship music. but i've tried something a little different that last few times an "attack" has come over me. instead of listening to the song, and singing it directly to the Father, i pretend he's singing it to me. there are some hillsong united songs that really get me. this morning, third day's "You Are My Everything" was just what i needed.
you see, so many times, when i'm feeling like a lesser version of myself, feeling down, feeling depressed, i don't need to be reminded of my love for jesus. i need to hear from him how he views me. actually hearing these words spoken through worship songs has proven to be a powerful method for me to accept his truth about me, that i am fiercely loved by him. that jesus is absolutely crazy about me.
this is true you know. true about you. Jesus fiercely loves you with reckless abandon. He is absolutely crazy about you! this blows my mind, but it's true! quiet yourself, and ask him what he thinks about you. i'll bet, the first thought, the very first thought in your mind will be something confirming that. give it a try! and then back it up with scripture. Jesus will bring you life, and nothing else. anything you hear that doesn't bring life, but brings condemnation, depression, guilt, shame, etc is not from jesus. does he convict us of sin? absolutely. but why? only to bring us back on track. he wants us walking in the fully restored relationship that he offers. he's out for our full healing, and nothing less.
my friends, i'll remind you of the very things i'm reminding myself of this morning. jesus loves you. he really does. you bring him great joy. just the way you are. exactly the way you are. this has cracked the fog of depression in my own life today. i pray it does the same for you.