my search to understand the bigger picture

Sunday, October 23, 2011

It's been awhile

it's been quite a while since I last posted, so bear with me. right now I feel like the picture above. in case you can't tell what it is a picture of, you're looking at scrambled eggs. i've go so much going on in my brain right now that it all just feels kind of scrambled up in there. BUT, I love what is happening!

i spent a few days earlier this week at a regional retreat for The Vineyard Church up in Green Lake, Wisconsin. it was a great time of getting away, being reminded of some things, and experiencing God in some new ways (new to me). one thing in particular that God kept telling me over and over while I was up there was to trust Him. to trust Him DEEPLY. he told me that a lot. and when I say a lot, I mean almost constantly. i was reminded to relax, and to stay present in the moment. all too often I'm looking ahead to something else, and neglect what is going on right now.

some time was spent this morning regarding the issue of trust in my life. trust in God. how does one go about developing trust in God? i mean, it's not something you just decide to have. trust is developed over time. through experiences. in order for me to trust God, i've got to let go of the details of my life. i've got to let go of control. i've got to give Him a chance to prove Himself trustworthy. and i've got to remember the ways He's proved Himself in the past

many times i don't obey God because i don't trust Him. the dilemma, is that in order to give God a chance, i've got to learn to obey Him. i've got to take that step. it's funny that we are dealing with obedience right now with our two daughters. i try to explain to them that i want them to learn to obey us because we want and know what's best for them, and they need to learn to trust us. but they can be stubborn, just like their father.

at this retreat, someone shared a quote from jack hayford. "do you want a map of where the river is, or do you want to jump in?" this really hit home with me because i typically want all the details laid out before i trust. i need to learn that i don't need details; God's got those covered. i just want to jump into the river!

i don't care how out of control the river is. i want to learn to trust God more than my circumstances. i want it to be said of me that i learned to trust God deeply. my goal is that obedience would no longer be an issue for me. if God says it, i will do it. i'd rather get it wrong trying, than fail through not trying. so, who's just into this river with me?

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