Altra Ambassador Video 2014

Today is my 30th Spiritual Birthday

what a day.  i've been a christian for 30 years today.  my parents did such a great job celebrating this day every year that i still remember some specifics about the night that my parents talked about this with my brother and i after supper.

this is one of those things that my wife and i are passing along to our own daughters.  i've been taking moments throughout the day today, allowing holy spirit to bring back to mind moments in time that i've had with him.

some of the more powerful ones:

• my first time attending a small group while in youth group.  i still have some interaction with one of the leaders, and some of the kids in that group today.
• countless times spent with my youth pastor, Dan Seaborn.
• being asked to serve on the leadership council my senior year.
• preaching a sermon twice my senior year to our senior high youth group of about 250 kids.
• being baptized in lake michigan the summer before my senior year.
• starting up a group my 4th year in college, which grew to about 100 students every tuesday night where we worshipped and spent time in prayer.
• going into full time ministry after college.
• my wedding day.
• the miscarriage of our first two children.
• the birth of my next two children.
• hours of interaction with holy spirit while running the 56 mile Comrades Marathon in South Africa.
• meeting our sponsored child, Nomonde Precious in South Africa. 
• having both daughters accept Jesus into their hearts. 
• countless conversations with holy spirit while trail running at Kickapoo State Park.

and on, and on, and on.

these moments have been so precious to me.  God has been a powerful and important part of my entire life.  while i've had my moments of following him more closely than others, i'm proud to say i've never walked away from God.  i've never backslidden.  i've never given up on him.  

and he's never given up on me.  he's been so patient with me.  so loving.  so caring.  so tender.  so filled with mercy towards me.  

with all the certainty i have in me, july 19 will always be the most powerful day in my life.  it's the day i gave my life over to jesus in 1983, at the age of 6.  he's my savior, my redeemer, my ever present help, my rock, my very best friend.  

God the Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, i love you!  happy birthday to us today!

The Skyrunner's Manifesto

found this in a book i just finished reading, Run or Die by Kilian Jornet.  it was written a few years ago, and just recently translated into english.

Kiss or kill.  Besa o mata.  Kiss glory or die in the attempt.  Losing is death; winning is life.  The fight is what decides the victory, the winner.  How often have rage and pain made you cry?  How often has exhaustion made you lose your memory, voice, common sense?  And how often in this state have you exclaimed, with a broad smile on your face, "The final stage!  Two more hours!  Go, onward and upward!  That pain only exists inside your head.  Control it, destroy it, eliminate it, and keep on.  Make your rivals suffer.  Kill them."  I am selfish, right?  Sport is selfish, because you must be selfish to know how to fight on while you suffer, to love solitude and hell.  Stopping, coughing, feeling cold, not feeling your legs, feeling sick, vomiting, getting headaches, cuts, bleeding....can you think of anything better?

The secret isn't in your legs, but in your strength of mind.  You need to go for a run when it is raining, windy, and showing, when lightning sets trees on fire as you pass them, when snowflakes or hailstones strike your legs and body in the storm and make you weep, and in order to keep running, you have to wipe away the tears to see the stones, walls, or sky.  The strength of mind to say no to hours of partying, to good grades, to a pretty girl, to the bedsheets against your face.  To put your soul into it, going out into the rain until your legs bleed from the cuts when you slip on the mud and fall to the ground, and then get back on your feet and continue uphill until your legs cry out, "Enough!" and leave you marooned in a storm on the remotest peaks, until you die.

Leggings soaked by snow, driven on by the wind that sticks to your face and freezes your sweat.  Feeling the pressure from your legs, the weight of your body bearing down on the metatarsals in your toes, pressure that can shatter rocks, destroy planets, and move continents.  Legs suspended in the air, gliding like an eagle, or running faster than a cheetah.  Running downhill, slipping on the snow and mud before driving yourself on anew, and suddenly you are free to fly, to shout out in the heart of the mountain, with only the most intrepid rodents and birds hidden in their nests beneath the rocks as your confessors.  Only they know your secrets, your fears.  Because losing is death.  And you should not die before you have given your all, have wept from the pain and the wounds.  And you cannot surrender.  You must fight on to the death.   Because glory is the greatest, and you can either aspire to glory or fall by the wayside.  You cannot simply not fight, not suffer, not die....Now is the time to suffer, the time to fight, the time to win.  Kiss or kill.

very interesting thoughts from perhaps the greatest endurance athlete the world has ever known.

What Would You Sacrifice For a Cause You Believed In?

a job?

a business?

comfort?

safety?

the easy life?

seriously, think about this for a moment.  is there any cause that you would consider making a sacrifice for?  is there any one person you would sacrifice something significant for?

two thoughts come to my mind when thinking on this topic.

first, Jesus.  he sacrificed his life so that i could be made free, set free from sin.  he sacrificed his own life so that i could experience life to the full in him.  powerful.  almost mind-numbing.  inspiring.  shocking.

second, Steve Spear.  he and his family sacrificed all of the above in order to help bring clean water to people in Kenya.  this man, is running across america, trying to raise $1.5 million to bring clean water to 30,000 people.  for the uneducated, water is life in many areas of the world.  we take water for granted, many times paying $1, $2, even $3 for a bottle of water.  we take 30 minute showers, own swimming pools, have underground sprinkling to make our lawns look nice.  many in the rest of the world are lucky to get water as clean as the water when you are finished washing your car.  that is, if you wash your own car.  have you ever looked at the water left in the bucket?  imagine using that as your everyday water, and then multiplying the pollutants by 10 or more.

steve spear is simply following the example set before him by jesus.  giving of himself.  why am i writing about this?  because i got to run with steve today.  my friend Scott and i ran 9 grueling miles with steve today.  he still have 23-24 more miles to go before his day was done.

what's sad is that many have had to resort to crazy exploits like this to raise awareness.  we simply don't want to know about the suffering of others.  but we must open our eyes to the conditions of others around the world.  the movie Spiderman reminds us, that "with great power, comes great responsibility".  well, we live in a wealthy country.  you may not feel wealthy, but check this website out.  maybe you'll get a better, more realistic perspective.

so, i implore you today, do something to help others.  start with a $50 gift or bigger, providing one person with clean water for life!  check out their project by clicking here.

seriously, what are you waiting for?  do you really think you are going to miss that $50?  go scoop up some water from a nearby puddle, then imagine having to drink that.  imagine having to cook with it, bathe with it.  better yet, imagine that you can't send your child to school, because you have to send them to fetch that water, and then you have to watch your own child drink that water.  come on, $50.  you can do it.  there ya go!

now, go tell others.  we can do something about this!  in a world filled with news of hate, violence, and tragedy, you can be a ray of light.  go for it!

This Caught My Attention Today

i was reading a blog post i get every so often, and this sentence stood out apart from the rest:

"There is nothing worse than a well read, smart, articulate leader who can’t lead themselves out of a paper bag simply because they lack self-awareness."

so tragic to see potential in others, and yet the only thing holding them back is themselves.  take a few minutes today to think about yourself.  work at becoming more self-aware.

if you want to read the rest of the article click HERE.

thanks to scott williams for sharing his thoughts on a regular basis.

Start

i'm currently working my way through the book Start by Jon Acuff.  it's been a fantastic read so far; one that i'd highly recommend to anyone who has the ability to read.

one thing i came across this morning has really got me thinking.

"1.  If I died today, what would I regret not being able to do?
  2.  Are those the things I'm spending time doing right now?"

great questions i think one could spend a good deal of time on.  give it some thought today.

Father's Day Meltdown

just got back from my first counseling session.  the guy was right, i need a some migraine medication!

it was good though, and i'm going back.  but i'm a mess.  and then after catching up on emails at the office, i came across this little gem, and tears are streaming down my face.

i seriously hope my daughters view me in this light, or one day will.  wow, still crying.

Designed For Freedom

just watch.

Things Change

things change.  people change.

i know this.  i get it.  i do.  i've had times myself where i had to move on from places of employment.  once by my own choice, another time not so much.  :)

i've also had many friends move on over the years.  some have stuck around in town, others relocating to other parts of the country.  and today, my heart hurts for friends i miss.

jeff.

josh.

michael.

scott.

jeff.

i've had the incredible privilege over the years of being able to work some really close friends.  and it's awesome to see them move on to better things.

but today, i miss my friends.  God, i miss my friends.  i miss seeing them every single day.  i miss impromptu coffee/dreaming sessions at panera about opening up sandwich shops in europe, i miss talking about the "dubious duo" and all things outdoors, i miss making goofy videos jumping into ponds in march for promo videos and inside sayings like "swicken em", and incredible challenges to run 56 mile races in africa to help kids.  i miss early morning runs, talking about work related stress while training for races in africa, and i miss the countless soul bearing conversations all ending with a little "holla at the dj".

Jesus, you've blessed me with amazing friends to work with over the years.  many of them have moved on.  today i have a mixture of awesome memories, and sadness along with a deep yearning for the days of old.

but we can't go back.  we can only move forward in life.  it's good to remember those good times.  but it's not over.  i want MORE good times!  those friendships will last a lifetime.  maybe it's time to let someone new in.

so, here's to friends, past, present, and future.  i love you all.  i miss you all.

Counseling

there comes a time for everything.  we all need help from time to time, and are fools if we don't seek out that help.  i once read in a leadership book, a story about a pastor of a megachurch in las vegas.  he was venting to his mentor, and his mentor basically told him to lead himself.  in other words, no one knows quite like you what you need in the moment.  so, don't feel bad taking a vacation day, ESPECIALLY if you need it.  in my case, leading myself means getting some good counseling for awhile.

as a pastor at my church, we are required to go through a series of psych tests and evaluations, mainly geared towards helping us grow and improve upon some areas.  it also does point out some causes for concern.  in my case, nothing of concern came up, but the counselor did feel it would be beneficial to do some counseling sessions.  the more i thought about it, the more i felt it was the right decision to make.

so, that's the reason i'm sharing it publicly.  the temptation is to not follow through.  you know how it works.  the moment you make the choice to do this, you think you feel a little better, and then all of a sudden you've talked yourself out of it.  so, i need to find out if it's covered under my insurance, and then schedule that first appointment.  sooner than later.

so, i'd appreciate your prayers.  part of the reasoning for this post, and the last one dealing with depression, is an attempt on my part to get some of those feelings out.  not just hold them inside.  but get them out.  it's much easier to do this writing than speaking them out for me.  i also want people to know the real me, not just what i portray.  many times, that's only half of what's really going on inside my brain.

Depression

it's come back.  it happens every so often, but most of the time lingers for a few hours at most.  i'm able to work my way through it relatively quickly and then move on.  but saturday night, it hit like a ton of bricks, and i haven't really recovered yet.

yeah, i can put on a happy face.  i'm a pastor.  i can't exactly show up to church sunday all woe is me.  don't get me wrong.  i'm a HUGE proponent of pastors being real, allowing their people to see their struggles.  we are not superhuman.  we are just like the rest of the world.  we have our struggles.  we have our issues.

so, maybe that's what i'm doing this morning.  letting the 2 or 3 that read this know, that pastors struggle too.  much of my depression seems to come as spiritual warfare type stuff.  but i can tell you that right now, there are lots of people in my world that are hurting for a variety of reasons.  i'm a highly empathetic individual, and feel the weight of all their hurting and pain.  add that to my own, and my guard has been let down, thus allowing a chink in my armor.

now, lots of people who don't deal with depression like to say, "just get over it" or "work it off".  i like it when people suggest "go something that makes you happy".  in that position, nothing seems to make one happy.  that's the struggle.  depression is so debilitating in that it keeps you from even wanting to leave your bed, or the couch.  you come down with a "that's not worth it" mentality towards the fun things you once enjoyed.

honestly, one of the few things that helps me begin to take some of that ground back, is to listen to worship music.  but i've tried something a little different that last few times an "attack" has come over me.  instead of listening to the song, and singing it directly to the Father, i pretend he's singing it to me.  there are some hillsong united songs that really get me.  this morning, third day's "You Are My Everything" was just what i needed.

you see, so many times, when i'm feeling like a lesser version of myself, feeling down, feeling depressed, i don't need to be reminded of my love for jesus.  i need to hear from him how he views me. actually hearing these words spoken through worship songs has proven to be a powerful method for me to accept his truth about me, that i am fiercely loved by him.  that jesus is absolutely crazy about me.

this is true you know.  true about you.  Jesus fiercely loves you with reckless abandon.  He is absolutely crazy about you!  this blows my mind, but it's true!  quiet yourself, and ask him what he thinks about you.  i'll bet, the first thought, the very first thought in your mind will be something confirming that.  give it a try!  and then back it up with scripture.  Jesus will bring you life, and nothing else.  anything you hear that doesn't bring life, but brings condemnation, depression, guilt, shame, etc is not from jesus.    does he convict us of sin?  absolutely.  but why?  only to bring us back on track.  he wants us walking in the fully restored relationship that he offers.  he's out for our full healing, and nothing less.

my friends, i'll remind you of the very things i'm reminding myself of this morning.  jesus loves you.  he really does.  you bring him great joy.  just the way you are.  exactly the way you are.  this has cracked the fog of depression in my own life today.  i pray it does the same for you.

Journaling-My Private Domain

i'm about to do something that i have rarely done before.  i'm going to give you a glimpse into my journal.  i don't reveal this to many.  actually, i'm not sure if i've ever let someone read my journals.  it's not that there's anything in there that i'm hiding.  it's just a place that's between me and God.

however, last week, i wrote some thoughts that rocked me to the core, in a good way.  it's been on my mind ever since, to the point where i felt i should share it with whoever wanted to read.  it may not be earth shattering to you, but it was quite moving to me.

before, i would have said i knew these things.  but after writing these words, it became a heart-felt knowledge deep within.

"I listened to one song in my car on the way into work this morning before turning it off.  One short line went, "Emmanuel.  God with us."  And that has been in my mind ever since.  God with us.  What an amazing truth to live in today.  What a revelation it would be to fully grasp this Father!  To completely understand what it means that you are with me!  That's powerful!  I felt strongly after that, the need for some Prayer House or Crying Room time today.  Just some time alone, away with my Abba.  I should leave my cell phone in my office too, and just bring my Bible and maybe some paper.  This afternoon would be wonderful for that.  I want communion with you today God!  Will you come and join me?  'Thad, if you make time for me, I will always show up for you!  I love you my son.  You are not the only one that looks back fondly on times at Batty's cabin, times camping, times you were trail running, when you ran Comrades.  I LOVED THOSE MOMENTS TOO!'  Wow, I'm shocked right now!  I never imagined God thinking as highly of those moments as I do.  Really God?  Those were some highlights for you?  'YES'.  Whoa.  I want to tell the whole world about this!  Looking forward to some more time with you later today Father.  'ME TOO'.  Hmmmmmm.  Thanks for putting a smile on my face today."

before you dismiss this, and say "Yeah Thad, I already knew that", do me a favor.  ask God what his favorite moments with you have been.  seriously, ask him.  and then wait for his response.  i'll bet a time will come to mind, his way of showing you the times with you that mean the most to him.  give it a try.  you may be shocked at what he shows you.

Comparison Battle

i've actually been wanting to write this post for some time now.  but every time i sit down to write, something else entirely comes out, and i choose to just go with that.

however, this morning, i came across a post by Mike Foster on Donald Miller's storylineblog.com that spoke many of the thoughts i've been thinking on this topic.  i may share more of my thoughts in a later post, but for now, Mike's insight will suffice.  check out this short read by clicking below.

http://storylineblog.com/2013/04/16/when-you-feel-behind/

"enjoy your story wherever it is."  this is a portion of a sentence towards the end.  this is really speaking to me this morning.  what part of this post spoke loudest to you?

One Of The Baddest Videos I've Ever Seen!

this is by far, one of the most powerful 3 minute videos i've ever seen.  makes me want to go out and run an ultra right now!  what do you think of it?

Jesus Came After Me

jesus has been after my heart as of late.  i've spent the last day or so noticing jesus calling to my heart in so many different places.  in my car, i was moved to turn off the music and just enjoy the silence.  i've spent times reading when i normally would have turned on the tv.  at small group last night, this phrase came after me with reckless abandon

"jesus is absolutely crazy about me"

it was a powerful revelation.  one that i've had before, but desperately needed to be heard again.  and then this morning, such an intimate time was shared with jesus.  he brought passage after passage of scripture to my heart.  so i journaled them, and then allowed him to just speak to my heart.  i invited him into the inner most, deepest parts of my soul.  and he came.  he spoke powerfully, deeply, carefully, and truthfully.  he challenged me, but set my heart at ease at the same time.

wow.  powerful encounters.  jesus is so amazing.  do you have these types of encounters with him?  i know i don't have them near enough.  but it's my own fault because i typically don't allow my time or attention to experience this.  

thank you jesus for meeting with me today.  such an amazing way to kick off the week.  i love you jesus.

My Wife, the Warrior Princess

emily is her name.  and she's amazing.

i've been meaning to write this post for about a week now.  but life gets in the way, you know how it goes.  life, such an amazing thing when kept in the right perspective.  and yet, it so easily jumps outside of that box.  hmmmmmm, i'm already off topic.

my wife.  on march 22 of this year we celebrated our 10 year anniversary.  10 years.  wow.  in some ways, it seems like just yesterday that we were standing in that church, that we were on our honeymoon, that we were buying our first house.  and yet, in others, those 2 people 10 years ago seem like toddlers who barely knew anything about life.  well, really that was only me.  so much has happened since then.

loss of jobs.  miscarriages.  but then there's the good............new jobs.  god's provision.  2 beautiful daughters.  trip to africa.  many trips every year to michigan.  this short list hardly encompasses everything.

so, emily planned our little celebration of 10 years of marriage together.  this shocked me, and part of me felt bad that she was planning it all.  i did drop roses off to her at work that morning.  that made me feel a little better.  but then, i began to relax as we drove away from her office that night.  everything was kept a secret from me.  i fought hard to not ask, because when there is a surprise i love nothing more than to figure it out.  typically, as is probably the case with many of you, i struggle with allowing others to do things for me.

i tried to force myself to relax as we began driving.  i knew not where we were headed.  eventually we landed in bloomington, illinois, at an eastland suites.  it was a nice hotel, with a separate living room with a little kitchenette and fireplace.  we sat for about an hour, and then a limo came and brought us to a wonderful little steakhouse.  now, emily is not much of a meat eater.  so she planned dinner with me in mind.  wow!  this was hard for me, but i got over it when i began reading the menu.

i finally decided on prime rib.  we enjoyed dinner.  we enjoyed conversation and laughter.  wish i had a picture of the picture hanging behind us at dinner (honey you can be glad i don't have one because i surely would post it here :))

after dinner we headed back to our hotel room to                                    relax.

the next morning came the big shocker.  she had planned for us to go to upper limits, an indoor climbing gym!  this had been a dream of mine for years, and i just had never gotten around to giving it a try.

we took a 2 hour class, and then attempted climbing on our own for a little under 2 hours.  we certainly didn't get close to climbing to the top of the easiest route, but we had a blast, and will definitely be back.  we partook of krispy kreme a few times (if you don't know about this place, i feel sorry for you), had chipotle for lunch, and did some shopping.

now, fellas, i know.  many of you are thinking that you have awesome wives.  and many of you do.  but, i can honestly say, none of them compare to my emily.  i've got one word for her, and it doesn't apply to any other women on the planet..........AWESEROUS!

seriously, emily, i had one of the best weekends of my life with you that weekend.  thank you so much, for planning something fun, with me in mind.  the fact that i got to do it with you made it that much better.  it was certainly one of the highlights of our marriage, when so much focus and attention goes to the girls, or jobs, or the house, or any number of other things.  thank you emily, for taking the time and energy to focus on me.  i love you babe!

This'll have me thinking for days......

"Let him who cannot be alone beware of community.  Let him who is not in community beware of being alone.  Each day by itself has profound perils and pitfalls.  One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and the one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation and despair."

-bonhoeffer's LIFE TOGETHER

Conversational Intimacy

this is one of those topics that is just very hard to describe.  how does one explain that they heard from God?  that God spoke to them?  most of us throw in some things about it not really being an audible voice, but more of a prompting in our hearts.  it just gets real dicey real fast.

so, i'm not trying to solve any riddles today.  not trying to lay down the a,b,c's of developing this type of relationship with the father.  i just want to attempt to propose a few thoughts, examples from my own life and then let you formulate your own theory from there.

jesus clearly says in john 10:27 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me."  now, if it were not possible at all to have any sort of back and forth communication with the Father, i don't believe Jesus would have made this statement.  whether it's metaphorical in this situation or not is irrelevant in my opinion.  

now, how does one get to know the voice of another?  how do i learn to recognize the voice of my wife, my kids, etc?  simple.  by spending lots of time in their presence, actively involved in the moment.  i only learn to recognize my wife's voice by being with her.  so, the way to recognizing the voice of the Father is by spending time with him, reading the Bible, in prayer, just hanging out while being conscious of his presence with you.  

we have many recorded instances of Jesus speaking with the Father in the New Testament.  one passage in particular is John 17, where Jesus prays for his disciples and then believers as a whole.  now, why would this situation be recorded, Jesus speaking to God the Father, if that were not to be something we should be doing?  what about the Lord's Prayer, where Jesus specifically directs us to "pray" a certain way?  or there's that little scene in the garden of gethsemane where Jesus pours his heart out to the Father.  are we not to follow his example?

i fully believe most people don't "hear" from God because they have not made room in their lives for it.  at least, that's been true in my own life.  we love packing our lives full of "stuff" to be doing.  we've gotten really good at doing "christian" things without taking the time to "be" with jesus.  that's got to change if you want to begin to hear from him.  luke 5:16 fills us in to a few keys when it comes to conversing with God.  "But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer."  three keys, that i've shared before:

1. Jesus withdrew often.  He made time with the Father a priority, and had this time on a regular basis.
2. Jesus went to the wilderness.  He went to a place where distractions were severely limited.  No people.  No cell phone.  No internet.  Nothing to do but "be" with the Father.
3. Jesus went for prayer.  He went with a purpose, to speak with the Father.  

many times we forget that there's two parts to conversations.  there's the part where we speak (we've got that down) and there's the part where we listen.  typically, we are not very good at sitting still and quiet for very long to listen.  friends, if you want to hear from God, this has to change.   i believe first and foremost we will learn to recognize God's voice by getting familiar with his words in the Bible.  Begin reading your Bible, and God's voice will begin sounding off all around you, if you are paying attention and looking for it.

Ed Dobson's Seeing Through The Fog

i began reading this book this morning.  i've only ever read one other book by ed, titled the year of living like jesus, but really enjoyed his perspectives.  this new book details his experiences over the past 11+ years with ALS (lou gehrig's disease).  the following is a quote from the forward written by joni eareckson tada.

"so i thank my friend ed dobson for reminding us how to hold on to hope as though it were the thin string of a big kite-the string is so thin in your hand, yet it connects to a force that can almost lift you off the ground."

for some reason, that really resonated with me, and i'm still thinking about it.  i found another quote in the intro to be captivating, "i have never been afraid of dying, but i was very concerned about the process of getting there."  

no real point here, other than to share a little about what i'm reading right now.  i'd love to hear what you are working your way through, or if you have any books you're excited about reading at some point.

Thought For Today

"god wants people to be desperate for jesus; he longs for them to long for him.  he wants folks climbing sycamores up and down the streets of this world to get a glimpse of jesus.  don't you?  i sure do.  now, god has arranged this story in such a way that it is largely through our lives that people get a glimpse of jesus.  so it might be good to ask yourself, when it comes to my life, what is the jesus they see?"

-john eldredge, the utter relief of holiness